Hi Friends!
So the only reason I did not blog last night was due to my own exhaustion. For me, this blog should be something that I put everything I have into; so why only do it half way when I could write in the morning. Hence posting about yesterday today.
"The early bird gets the worm". We've all heard it before. However, when trying to get a coffee from Starbucks before 900 other people, rushing down there at 7am is totally worth it. Instead of feeling rushed, Nichole and I were able to get ready without the "oh crap! I'm running late" feeling. Needless to say, we were once again in go mode after getting our coffees.
At 9am, Ginny Carroll was introduced as our keynote speaker and she was a phenomenal contrast to David Stollman from Friday! She took a whole different route about sororities and even shared some of her personal stories. She left us with facts such as there are 260,000 sorority women on 655 campuses, 350,000 men on 800 campuses, and over 10 million alumni. She also brought up a slide of people who were famous and then asked us "why dont' we know that famous people are Greek?" Greek life is something that people should be proud of and it was very interesting to learn that Martin Luther King Jr, Ashton Kutcher, and Carrie Underwood were Greek! Ginny went on to talk about what makes us similar and what we have an a common bond. Things on the list were:
1. Brotherhood / Sisterhood
2. Intellectual Growth
3. Service to Communities
4. Personal Development
5. Leadership Opportunities
6. The Network
All of these make us so similar as a community and we are all so lucky to be given the chance to partake in each and every one of these categories. She also gave the equation that college = academic intellect + fraternity / sorority life = social deterixity. These two items combined equal career / life success. This is what we get from being a part of Greek life and it is something bigger than just us. There is so much more that we can do for our community and I now am dying to get involved with Circle of Sisterhood to help girls around the world go to school and get chances that they may never have gotten before. Ginny Carroll was the perfect person to start off day 2 because I knew day 1 would be hard to follow, but she certainly set the tone for the day.
The first session that I attended was called "The Dead House: Solo Cup Recruitment, Little h Hazing, and Other ways to kill a chapter". I knew that this session was going to be interesting, but it ended up being very different from what I thought it would be. Chris Shade came out and said that this session wasn't going to be about just crappy chapters; it was going to be about how great chapters go to really crappy chapters. He asked us why decline happened and everyone's answers were "we're lazy; we dont' care; why fix something that can't be fixed". He answered this with "Decline is natural. You don't have to be intentional, unbiased, remove emotions, and you don't even have to think. It just happens". Then he went on to talk about how we were connected and they were the same items that Ginny had listed. Chris then talked about what he calls "Little h Hazing". This isn't your typical hazing but it's the hazing that doesn't exactly make sense and it doesn't hurt you. It doesn't prepare you to do well in the organization and it just makes older members feel better. Chris then talked about "Solo Cup Recruitment" which is exactly what it sounds like. In a few words or less, it means recruiting people you meet at a party. This means that you want to get them drunk to figure out who they really are and it intensifies your chapters chances of idiots joining. This is a large reason as to why chapters start to decline. Before going on, he went on the give us a few statistics. Chris said:
1. 51% of undergraduate men chose not to join because they didn't offer what they wanted
2. 30% worried about their grades
3. 30% feared that they would be hazed
Little h hazing and Solo cup recruitment are not the only reason that a chapter goes downhill. Chris described that a 'great chapter' was talked about themselves in terms of "why"; a 'good chapter' in terms of "how"; an 'okay chapter' in terms of "what"; and finally a 'crappy chapter' of what times of "what they were". Chapters go from why we are great to what made us great so easily. He kept saying that it doesn't take much to make a chapter go downhill. At the end of the presentation Chris gave us a few words on making change. He said: do strategic planning, get people to talk about what they believe in, engage all parties and meet them where they are, and finally don't overuse the trophy stands. This session was one of the most interesting to me because society talks about how to build a crappy chapter back up, yet Chris gave us the opposite. I'm so glad I went to this because I now feel as if I understand how chapters to get to be where they are.
After Chris' session, I moved onto my second session for the day and that was "Naysayers, Crickets, and Whiners: Overcoming Barriers to Change". I wanted to attend this session because my organization is always going through change and I wanted to find ways to help the people who may not always speak their mind or who just sit back and complain without taking any action. Dan Wrona was hanging up pieces of paper as I walked into the room and I knew that this was going to be interactive. Dan had us start off by figuring out what kind of people we had in our chapters besides the naysayers, crickets, and whiners. As a group, the initial list of three grew to be 14 total types ranging from downers, to thought leaders, to divas. We went through and described of each of these people. I'll give you just a few:
1. Naysayers -- shoots down ideas for no good reason; always looking for roadblocks not the opportunity; not their idea; first to criticize - last to do; and not something they would want to do
2. Crickets -- someone who won't say something but will say it after the fact; the quiet ones in the background that complain after the fact
3. Whiners -- on board until the final moment; always ask "why"; won't say a word yet complains anyways
At the end of the conversation, he had us all get up and write out answers to each of the excuses that were on the walls. These were all excuses that I had heard before, such as "I'm too busy; No one will come; Someone else has already done that" and the list goes on and on. The part of this activity that I didn't enjoy was the fact that he said that we could be snarky and witty. To me, that didn't seem like a productive reason of putting up post-its because we were supposed to be getting advice. I found this session interesting, but I'm not sure if it was one of my favorites.
Next was the Affiliation Lunch. I walked into the ballroom and I saw Katelyn and Lexi! I was so excited because they were finally here and I had wanted to hear about their sessions. I got to sit with them and some other lovely Gamma Phi Beta ladies such as Victoria and Caitlin. We had some great conversations and it was awesome to see everyone getting along. My only wish was that there had been more Gamma Phis at the conference, but alas. The food was delicious and I tried eggplant for the first time. After lunch, I was full and ready for the Saturday Showcase.
This was the first time that as a delegation, we were able to attend the same session as someone else in our group. Myself, Amanda, Nick, Nichole, and Erin all happened to end up in Dr. Mari Ann Callais' room, "Ritual to Reality". Hands down, this was my favorite session of the day and of the weekend. She started off by having 6 volunteers come up to the front and they helped her sing. They started off by singing "Lean on Me" and the whole room joined in. Then she moved on to "Hakuna Matata" and the entire room lit up with excitement. Finally, she ended that part with "Live Like We're Dying" and she never sang a word but the first few lines; we as a group sang out like there was no one listening. One of the first questions she asked us was "how many of you have a fines / points system?" which she followed up with "since when did we need fines and points to hang out with our families?". She went on to talk about how we all have different rituals but they should all be somewhat similar. Greek life is based off the same values and somehow our rituals should be similar to each other. She then had more volunteers come up. They had to place their badges in the middle of a blanket and then she asked them to drop a hand if they had done on of the questions she asked them. By the third question, everyone was out and the badges were on the floor. One girl went to grab hers and Dr. Callais said to leave it on the floor. She then said "that is what it is about". She then proceeded to say "It doesn't matter where our letters are; they represent the same thing every time". She went on to ask us questions about if our founders would be proud of for the work that we have done. After that she let us get up and speak. The stories that people shared were unbelievable ranging from getting a tombstone for a brother who had died to a 92 year old man getting "FIJI" branded on his chest. These stories really showed what it meant to be a member of a Greek organization and just why I love my chapter so much. I would love to see Dr. Mari Ann Callais come to BSU because if everyone here could feel the love and passion that she has for Greek life, it might help those people who feel disconnected reconnect with their chapter.
"Identify Problem Drinking" was my last session. I have never been so proud of our Greek life because I had learned that I had had values instilled in me that were very different from many other people. Kyle Pemberton split up the entire group into groups of 4 and we went a corner in the room with pieces of paper that said "not serious" and "serious". We were given a stack of paper that had situations ranging from "sexual assault while intoxicated" to "positing drunk photos on Facebook". We were supposed to put them across the wall in an order that we found to be appropriate. I soon learned that I felt very differently than my entire group. There were many items that I found to be serious that the group did not agree with. This session made me realize what should be handled in a personal conversation and what should perhaps to be a conversation with Executive Board about getting someone help. Because we spent so much time working in our small groups, the large group conversation was small but it definitely made an impact on me.
We then finished up our sessions with our last small group meeting. This was focused on how to handle confrontation and to make an action plan. I was the only person who brought up the idea of SMART goals and I was so proud of my chapter for actually having plans in place for change in our organization. There are 7 steps to confrontation:
1. Initiate Contact
2. Establish Rapport
3. Identify the issue / problem
4. Agree on the problem
5. Obtain attainable commitment
6. Keep commitment
7. Evaluate / Praise success
We then went on the realize that we need to have a sense of urgency without installing fear within our chapters and not confusing them. We talked about issues without our communities and it was great to provide people with information that I had found within my own chapter. Lastly, "DWYSYWD" or rather "Do What You Say You Will Do". This is so important. If we don't have accountability, then our chapters will never get anywhere. We did action plans and came up with goals for ourselves. Even though my facilitators may not have been my favorite, I definitely loved the advice that I got from them and the messages that they instilled in me.
After a day full of sessions, Erin, Nichole, and I got ready for the Awards banquet. We walked in and sat at our reserved table with a few students from The College of New Jersey. They were really nice and we had some great conversations at the table with them. After an unbelievably delicious dinner, we had tiramissu for dinner and then they presented the awards. Even though BSU did not win anything, I was able to walk away with some new and wonderful ideas for our community to do in the future.
As the night ticked down, Erin, Nichole, and I were hanging out in our room just talking. These are two women that I am so thankful to have met and bonded with. I can honestly say that they are two women that I now have friendships with and that I can see myself being friends with for a long time. It's conferences like NGLA that bring people together. After chatting we all slowly drifted into sleep preparing for our final night as roommates. I'm sad to say that it's over but I'm so thankful it happened!
Lots of Greek love,
Kara
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