No one told me there was crying at NGLA...

Our last day at NGLA was a blast, and definitely long to say the least. Today I attended: Making Change Happen: Understanding How to Implement Your Action Plan, DUI: A Powerful Lesson, Will Work For Leadership, and Accessible Leadership: Empowering Members Without a Title.

Having seen so many speakers today, you think it would all be one big blur. And...it really is. For the most part I'll really have to go back within my notes to be able to really speak in depth about what I learned in certain sessions; except for one. This one left me hooked, speechless, overwhelmed, and quite honestly scared. Myself and two fellow bears were some of the last individuals in this Marriott Ballroom, because we couldn't pull ourselves together to dry our eyes fast enough. Mark Sterner was just a typical college student in Greek Life, like all of you and I. The only difference? He was convicted of three counts of DUI manslaughter; those three deaths being his best friends, also known as his brothers.

Three months away from graduating, Mark Sterner and his four fraternity brothers headed for Florida for spring break, for what they had thought was going to be the time of their lives. And it was! The guys were staying for 6 days down in Florida, hoping to have some fun and just be their goofy ol' selves. Being the typical fraternity brothers that they were back then; every night they would designate a sober driver to make sure that everyone got home okay. On the 6th night...everyone had already been the sober driver once, who would step up to do it? Naturally all the guys came up with a plan in which they thought would resolve their situation. "Whoever was the least drunk at the end of the night, would be the one to drive home." Marks presentation started off by him showing us a 5 minute home video of their night leading up to their fun adventures at the local bar. The video started off showing all of the guys taking shots of alcohol in their letters, and having them all talk about how they were going to have the time of their lives on this last night. After fully drinking a couple of bottles of hard liquor as a group, the guys moved into the car. The guys strategically chose the closest bar to where they were staying, so that it would be a quick drive both to and from the bar. In this home video it shows Mark in the driver seat reaching all the way up to 100 miles an hour, on a 35 mile per hour street. Fortunately the guys made it safely to the bar, and were dancing their butts off to every song that came over the speakers. Mark explained that since the bar was a little emptier than expected, the guys were drinking more shots and beers than they had intended. The home video ended with all of the guys just joking around and dancing like goofballs on the dance floor, truly enjoying the last night of their spring break trip.

Less than 15 minutes after turning off the camera, Mark was designated as the driver who would be driving home since he was the least drunk. Having a blood alcohol level of 1.7, Mark jumped behind the wheel and started his way back to where they had been residing. Going the average speed limit of 35 miles per hour, Mark had almost successfully driven to their destination, until their front wheel feel off the side of the road. Two weeks later, Mark regained his consciousness to discover his brother sitting next to him, while he lays unable to move in a hospital bed. His brother openly explains that they had been in a car accident; and three of his best friends had died.

At the beginning of this presentation I thought to myself, I'm not like this guy.....I'm not like his story.  I don't drink like this, I would never drive drunk, I wouldn't, I wouldn't, I wouldn't. But little by little Mark made us realize that we really all are in the same position. It doesn't have to be YOU doing this, that this could happen to anyone in your life, at anytime. He made us think about some of our closest friends and family, and what we would do if we had received a phone call at 3AM telling us that they may only have a certain amount of time to live. Marks family had received a call at 3AM telling them to get to Florida as soon as possible, as they didn't think Mark would be alive much longer. Being stuck in their hometown in Pennsylvania, his family was unable to get a flight until 10:30AM. In anyone else's life, 3AM-10AM would be a quick nap, but waiting to possibly go see your family member dead, seemed like an eternity to Mark's family. His mother wanting to have a constant update would call the hospital every half hour, in which Mark's nurse would interrupt her to say that his condition had not changed. After hours of having the nurse interrupt her, at 6:30AM Mark's mother was shocked to have not been interrupted. The nurse was silent. As Mark's mother questioned to see if the nurse was still on the line, she politely replied by explaining that Mark was no longer breathing on his own, and they didn't believe he would be alive much longer. After another 30 minutes had passed, Mark's mother was stuck. She couldn't force herself to call that hospital, as she was now terrified that she would be told Mark was officially pronounced dead.

Mark's mother, father, two brothers and sister all traveled down to Florida, praying that Mark would still be alive when they got there. During those two weeks that Mark was unconscious, he had to be revived a total of three times. In the middle of his first week of being unconscious, he opened his eyes to see his parents and one sibling in the room; not understand why he couldn't move and why suddenly his family was around him, he fell back into an unconscious state. When Mark did regain consciousness, he was read his rights by the police officers in the room, prior to them taking his fingerprints and mug shot, all while he still lay resting in his hospital bed. Now, rather than being the first in his family to graduate from college, Mark was to be known as the first in the family to go to prison.

Stop and put yourself in Mark's shoes. Having just found out that three of your best friends died, one lived, and you yourself can't move due to how much damage your body received, what would you be thinking? Mark was thinking of the future. How would be tell their parents? How in the world do you tell your college friends parents, that their child had died, from something that could have been prevented from buckling up their seat belt, and having one sober driver? They were THREE MONTHS from: graduating, real jobs, real apartments, and real lives. Mark goes on to tell us that all three of the men who died, had girlfriends......girlfriends they had planned to propose to, not long after graduating. How do you tell three separate women, that you were the reason they would not have a fiance in three months, that their future husband, future father of their children....was dead? Luckily for Mark, his friends parents weren't looking to press charges, and he was only sentenced to 3 years in prison....rather than the 45 it could have been. Having been convicted of 3 separate murders, Mark was sentenced to a terrifying prison, full of individual who do the unthinkable crimes we often only see happen in the movies. Mark feared for his life, every minute of everyday. Mark was never fully sure if he would live to see the next day, and what could potential happen if he did survive. Mark explains that today he would go to the worst prison in the world for the rest of his life, just to be able to get his three best friends back. Just to get his three best friends 10 more minutes on this earth....just so they could say goodbye to their families. Ever since the accident, Mark has tried to reach out to his friend that survived the car accident, but he refuses to talk to him, knowing it would bring up such terrible memories. Mark calls his friend every time that he is in California near where he resides.......but is always ignored.

Today Mark travels the country sharing his story with millions. Constantly filling eyes with tears, and bring students to the realization that this scenario is REAL. This could be a story in your life, in just one blink of an eye. It's important to tell our families, friends, fraternity brothers and sorority sisters how much we love and appreciate them, because we never know when the last time we'll ever see them could be. Be the change in your community, and help make sure this doesn't happen to you or someone you know. Mark was just like you and I, saying "I wouldn't....I wouldn't.....that's not me", but it became him....and he will never be able to live another day in his life, without thinking about his three brothers that died. Do more than just tell your loved one's that you care about them, truly show them and make a difference in their lives.